How Romeo et Juliette SHOULD Have Ended
by BubblesandPudding
Summary: A parody written by a friend and myself about what would happen if the ending of Romeo et Juliette: De La Haine A L'amour were different and my friends and I were inserted into the story.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: How Romeo et Juliette: De La Haine A L'amour should have ended. Disclaimer: All rights belong to Shakespeare and Gerard Presgurvic. The jokes and randomness, however, belong to Jacinta and I.**

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_**Chapter 1**_

_Body Vault..._

Juliette: No! Romeo is dead!

*Benvolio walks past*

Juliette: Heyyy, what's cookin' good-lookin'?

Benvolio: *looks around* I thought you were dead...?

Juliette: Well, I got better! Too bad Romeo can't handle his poisons, though! Come on, let's leave this body ditch and get hitched!

Benvolio: Um... I don't think so...

Juliette: Is there someone else? What's her name? Address? Greatest fear?

Benvolio: No, but... you're Romeo's chick!

Juliette: He's dead. Carked it. See? *Points at Romeo's body*. TAKE ME NOW!

Benvolio: *runs away*

Benvolio: *runs away...into arms of Jacinta*

_Random street corner in Verona..._

Sasha: *revives Mercutio*

Mercutio: Who art thou, fair angel that hath revived me?

Sasha: *giggles* My name is Sasha, Mercutio.

Mercutio: Fair maiden, Sasha, knowest my name!

_Back to Benvolio..._

Benvolio: Hide me, girl!

Jacinta: In here! *hides Benvolio in cupboard*. Stay here for a while...

Juliette: *running to Jacinta* Did you see him?

Jacinta: Who?

Juliette: A hunky blonde dude! HE'S MINE!

Jacinta: Hm, I did see one guy running in that direction... *points to the right*

_Mercutio and Sasha..._

Sasha: I don't know what you just said, but it sounded dreamy. *dreamy eyes*

Mercutio: :)

Sasha: :)

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**A/N: Please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

_Back to Jacinta's lair..._

Jacinta: *opens the cupboard door a little bit* I think she's gone now. I saw her going over the hill yonder. *points at large mountain in the horizon*

Benvolio: Thank you. I am Benvolio and what, pray, is your name?

Jacinta: Jacinta. Wait, I think she's coming back! *closes the door again*

Juliette: I couldn't find him!

Jacinta: Okay, well I haven't seen him then. Sorry. Are you playing hide and seek or something?

Juliette: Only in so far as he's hiding and I'm seeking his hand.

Jacinta: Oh. Good luck with that.

*Juliette takes off in other direction*

Benvolio: Man, that was a close one.

Jacinta: Benvolio! How did you get out?

Benvolio: you left the key in the lock. Thank you for keeping me safe

Jacinta: Yes... that's why I locked it... to keep you safe...

Benvolio: *kisses Jacinta's hand* How may I repay the favour?

Jacinta: *whispers* You just did *melts*

_*Well, actually, faints. Benvolio has to take Jacinta to the doctor, and because he's good friends with the now-revived Mercutio, who has connections with some very good doctors, Jacinta sees a good doctor. Jacinta is revived quickly.*_

Doctor: She is coming round, Benvolio.

Jacinta: Benvolio? *sits up*

Benvolio: Yes, I brought you here to get well.

_Back to Mercutio and Sasha..._

Mercutio:...And so I said, "No, he would just eat it!".

Sasha and Mercutio: *laugh hysterically*

Tybalt: Utio, I've been revived!

Mercutio: Damnit! I mean, Tybby! You're alive! What caused this...ah...miracle?

Tybalt: This is the strangest part! Some little blonde girl revived me! It was so strange! First, I was dead. Then, suddenly, I'm alive!

Sasha: O.O Little blonde girl, you say?

Tybalt: Yes! Uh...who are you?

Mercutio: This is Sasha! The girl who revived ME!

Sasha: Yeah, yeah, great to meet you. What was her name?

Tybalt: It was...Oh, my. What was it? Umm...Rebecca?...Raine?...

Sasha: Rachel?

Tybalt: Yeah! That was it, Rachel!

Sasha: *grabs Tybalt by his collar* Did you see where she went after she revived you?

Tybalt: No, but I do recall her saying something about marrying some man named Mark...

Sasha: *facepalm* Damnit! How did she get into this story?

Mercutio: Is there something wrong?

Sasha: What? Wrong? Oh, of course not! What could possibly be wrong? Now if you'll excuse me, *picks up skirts and runs off in search of Rachel*

Mercutio and Tybalt: *stare off after her*

Tybalt: Hmm...strange...

Mercutio: Yeah.

Juliette: Benvolio! *comes running by Mercutio and Tybalt* Benny, darling!

Tybalt: Hmm...straaaaaaange...

Mercutio: Yeah. Hey, Tybalt?

Tybalt: Hmm?

Mercutio: *punches Tybalt in face*

Tybalt: *falls unconscious*

Mercutio: Never mind! *prances away*


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

_In Verona's main street..._

Rachel: Tybalt? Where did you run off too? Tybalt?

Juliette: Are you looking for your man too? My Benvolio has startled and run away! Come back, Benny!

Rachel: Could they be together?

Juliette: They are enemies, it is possible!

Rachel: Let's search together!

*Rachel and Juliette laugh evilly together*

_Benvolio and Jacinta..._

Benvolio: So, what is your occupation?

Jacinta: I am an attendant of the Prince of Verona - a scribe.

Benvolio: A female scribe!

Jacinta: Yes, I am the only female scribe in Verona, it is true. But I can record and organise the Prince's wishes more competently than any male scribe.

Benvolio: You are surely the most unusual woman I have ever met...

Sasha: *stops running to catch breath* I'm...*pant*...gonna...*pant*...get...*pant*...you...*pant*...*collapses*

_Back to Mercutio..._

Mercutio: I wonder, whatever happened to dear old Romeo?

Juliette: Benvolio!

Rachel: Tybalt!

Juliette: You! *points to Mercutio* Good-looking man who tried to kill my cousin and whose behaviour makes me question your sexuality, have you seen my beloved Benvolio?

Mercutio: -_- Benvolio, Benvolio...Nope! Name doesn't ring a bell! Anyway, I'd better be going now! *tries to walk away*

Rachel: *grabs him by the back of his tunic* Oh no you don't! We have ways of making you talk!

Juliette: *smiles evilly*

Mercutio: O.O *gulp*

_The fair city of Verona..._

Sasha: *running through streets of Verona* I'm going to...*pant*...catch...*pant*...you! *falls down again* I really need to work on my endurance!

Tybalt: Ow! My head! *sits up*

Sasha: *notices Tybalt lying on the ground next to her* What are you doing here?

Tybalt: *rubbing back of head* Mercutio punched me and knocked me unconscious!

Sasha: ? Wait. He punched you...and you went...unconscious?

Tybalt: That's what I said isn't it?

Sasha: But, you're like 6 foot 7-and he's like-oh, never mind! Did you see where he went?

Tybalt: Hello! I was unconscious!

Sasha: Oh...right...I knew that...

Tybalt: He probably ran off somewhere...coward.

Sasha: *mutters to self* Everyone is disappearing today...

Tybalt: What was that?

Sasha: Oh, nothing. I was just talking to myself.

Tybalt:...weeeeeird...

Sasha: Well, I have to go now! I have to see if I can find Mercutio, and then I have to find my friend. *stands up*

Tybalt: Wait!

Sasha: What?

Tybalt: First, help me up...

Sasha: *pulls Tybalt to his feet*

Tybalt: Second, maybe I can help you.

Sasha: Really?

Tybalt: Sure. I've got nothing else worth doing.

Sasha: Okay!

Tybalt and Sasha: *stand there awkwardly*

Sasha: Soooo,...where should we start?

Tybalt: I don't know...

Sasha: Okay, then.

Tybalt: Let's go...this way. *starts to walk west*

Sasha: Okay! *starts to follow*

Tybalt: *turns around* Maybe we should go this way! *walks east*

Sasha: *follows*

Tybalt: *turns around* Or maybe we should go south! *walks south*

Sasha: -_- Okaaaay. *follows* Are you sure this is the way you want to go?

Tybalt: *thinking* Yeah!

Sasha: Are you positive?

Tybalt: I think so.

Sasha: Okay, then. Let's go. *walks south*

Tybalt: Actually...

Sasha: Would you make up your mind?

Tybalt: Last time, I promise! *walks east*

Sasha: *sighs and follows*


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: All rights, characters, etc. belong to Shakespeare and Gerard Presgurvic. Anything other than that belongs to the authors.****_

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_Chapter 4_

_In a deserted attic..._

Juliette: Now, where is my Benvolio?

Mercutio: I don't know! I've only just been revived! Not an hour ago was I dead!

Juliette: I don't need to hear your excuses! Rachel, get the 'persuasion device'

_*Rachel appears with an item in her hand*_

Rachel: This will make you talk!

_*Mercutio looks at the item.*_

Mercutio: Is... Is that a garlic presser?

Juliette: Yes! Once you have smelt the garlic and have tears streaming down your face, eyes stinging, you will reveal all to us!

Mercutio: Isn't it onions that make people cry?

Rachel:...

Juliette:...

Rachel: Garlic can also... do that...?

Mercutio: If you say so.

Juliette: Rachel, press it under his eyes and we'll see who's right!

Rachel: Aye aye, Cap'n! *tries to figure out how to work garlic press*

Juliette: Any day now, Rachel.

Rachel: I'm trying! *snaps it in half* Oops.

Mercutio: *mouths "Why?" at the sky*

Juliette: *grabs Mercutio by the front of his collar* You're going to tell us everything without the garlic press!

Mercutio: Everything?

Juliette: EVERYTHING!

Mercutio: If you insist!

_In some street in Verona_...

Sasha: *collapses* I can't take this! We've been walking for ages! My feet hurt, my lungs are burning, and I can't take another step!

Tybalt:...We've only been walking for five minutes.

Sasha: *stands up* Oh,...right.

Tybalt: -_-

_In some abandoned tomb_...

Romeo: *sits up, stretches, and yawns* My, my! The guy at the drug store wasn't kidding! That sleeping potion does wonders for the mind! You should try it, Juliette. *looks around* Juliette? Juliette? Where is she? *gasp* I hope her parents didn't decide to cremate her! It seems an awful lot of trouble to try to get a wedding dress to fit on an urn...*stares off into space dramatically with lips pursed like he's a shampoo model* I wonder...I wonder if maybe she thought I was dead and decided to leave me for Benvolio and has a revived Mercutio locked in an attic and is interrogating him?...Naaaaah! That'd never happen!

_Back to the deserted attic..._

Mercutio:...and that was how I saved Benvolio from being eaten by a cow when we were five!

Juliette: What does this have to do with where Benvolio is?

Mercutio: *ahem!* Don't you know it's rude to interrupt someone in the middle of a story?

Rachel: But, we've been here for an hour!

Mercutio: Well, you'd better get comfortable, ladies, because I still have to tell you about my 8th birthday party!

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**A/N: Please leave a review and feel free to ask questions.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I reallly don't own anything except the plot and craziness.**_**

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Chapter 5

_The hospital room..._

Doctor: Okay, you two are free to go now.

Benvolio: Thank you, doctor. Come, Jacinta, I'll escort you home.

Jacinta: Thank you, Benvolio *Jacinta blushes*

_*Benvolio and Jacinta are about to exit the hospital when Sasha and Tybalt burst through the doors*_

Tybalt: Strange, I could have sworn that this was the barnyard...

Sasha: You know what? Let **me** navigate next time!

_*Sasha looks up and sees Jacinta and Benvolio*_

Sasha: Jacinta, is that you? I haven't seen you in years!

Jacinta: Sasha! *Jacinta runs up and hugs Sasha* How are you, friend?

Benvolio: Tybalt! Shouldn't you be dead?

Tybalt: I was, then a strange girl revived me and ran away, now we're looking for her...

Benvolio:.. Sooo... no hard feelings?

Tybalt: *shrugs* I don't feel like fighting, we've been running around Verona all day!

Benvolio: Okay, then.

Jacinta: Who is the man you're with?

Sasha: He's Tybalt. He's helping me.

Jacinta: I thought he was dead!

Sasha: Okay, I guess I have to explain...

_*Sasha sits down on a nearby empty bed and Jacinta follows, while noting that they still aren't out of the hospital.*_

_Back to Mercutio..._

Juliette: I can't take this anymore! I don't CARE how many pickles you could shove into your mouth! You're obviously mentally incapacitated!

Rachel: Juliette, we need to have a talk.

*Rachel and Juliette move away from Mercutio*

Rachel: I don't think he knows where Benvolio is.

Juliette: I agree, but he's our only lead! What should we do?  
Rachel: hmm...

_Back to Romeo..._

Romeo: My, how strange this all is! Perhaps I should consult Friar Laurence? He may have been present at the funeral proceedings, or he could have seen what happened to Juliette! Man, I could really go for a drink right now...*stands up walks to tomb door on to find that the door is locked* Uh-oh...

_Back to hospital room..._

Sasha:...and so Mercutio says, "No, he would just eat it!"

Sasha, Benvolio, and Jacinta: *laugh hysterically*

Tybalt: -_-

Sasha, Benvolio, and Jacinta: :)

Tybalt: -_-

Sasha, Benvolio, and Jacinta: :)

Tybalt: -_-

Sasha, Benvolio, and Jacinta: :)

Tybalt: -_-

Sasha, Benvolio, and Jacinta: :)

Tybalt: -_-

Sasha, Benvolio, and Jacinta: :)

Sasha: Mustache!

Tybalt: ?

Jacinta: Speaking of Mercutio, where is he?

Sasha: That's what I'm wondering. I went looking for Rachel, and then Mercutio disappeared! So, that's why Tybby and I have been running around Verona all day.

Tybalt: It's Tybalt. Not Tybby, not Tool, not Tybaltknife. Tybalt.

Sasha: *covers mouth with hand to keep from laughing*

Benvolio: I could probably help you search for him, if you'd like.

Jacinta: I could assist you too.

Sasha: Cool beans!

Benvolio: What are these cold vegetables you speak of?

Sasha: Oh, no. Cool beans means-oh, forget it.

Tybalt: *frustrated sigh* Are we going to look for Mercutio any time in the distant future?

Sasha: Don't be such a grumpy-pants, Tybby.

Tybalt: I thought we discussed this! It's Tybalt! Tybalt! TYBALT!

Sasha:...Well, we'd better go. C'mon, Tybby!

Tybalt: *facepalm*

Sasha, Benvolio, Jacinta, and Tybalt: *go off in search of Mercutio*

_Meanwhile, in an abandoned attic..._

Mercutio:...and so I said, "No, he would just eat it!" *laughs hysterically*

Juliette and Rachel: *fail to see the humour*

Mercutio: HAHA! HA! Ha! ha...Ooo. Tough crowd...

Juliette and Rachel:

Rachel: I say we tie him up and gag him.

Juliette: I second that motion!

Mercutio: O.O *gulp*

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**A/N: Once again, please review and if you have any questions, by all means, ask them.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All I own is the plot and jokes.**_**

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Chapter 6

_*Rachel and Juliette are trying to get the gag on Mercutio*_

Rachel: Juliette, have you ever done this before?

Juliette: Shut up! I've seen it done in theatre all the time, how hard can it be?

Rachel: I'm just saying... maybe there are better methods that this?

Juliette: No! I don't know of any other methods, and neither do you! So shut up!

Mercutio: Mraow!

Rachel and Juliette together: SHUT UP!

_The search is on..._

Sasha: I think we should split into groups to look for Rachel and Mercutio.

Benvolio: good idea - you two can get lost again together and we'll go looking in the streets of Verona.

*Benvolio grabs Jacinta's arm and pulls her along in another direction*

Tybalt: Should we go this way? *he points to the east*

Sasha: No! We're going **this** way! *Sasha storms off to the west and Tybalt follows, slightly scared of Sasha*

_A bit later..._

Tybalt and Sasha: *wandering around Verona*

Tybalt: Is it just me or does that building look familiar?

Sasha: You're right...

Tybalt: I think we've been walking in a circle...

Sasha: Yeah, prolly...wanna get something to eat?

Tybalt: Sure!

Sasha and Tybalt: *head off to town square to get some food*

_Back to Mercutio, Rachel, and Juliette..._

Juliette: Stop struggling!

Mercutio: Bite me, wench!

Rachel: *attempts to restrain Mercutio*

Mercutio: I will not be silenced!

Juliette: *finally gets gag on Mercutio*

Rachel: Finally!

Mercutio: *muffled voice* Hmph! Mmmmm! Mmmm!

Rachel: Oh my God! Even when we gag him, he won't shut up!

Mercutio: Mmm! Mmmmmm! Mmmm!

Juliette: I say we lock him in the cupboard.

Rachel: Agreed.

Juliette and Rachel: *throw Mercutio in nearby cupboard*

_Back to Romeo..._

Romeo: I have to find a way out of here! *pulls out rock* Don't worry, Wilson! We'll get out of here soon!

Wilson (voice of Romeo): Then, we can find Juliette!

Romeo: Yes. We will escape this wretched tomb and find my beloved Juliette.

Wilson (voice of Romeo): Romeo, you're so gallant!

Romeo: Thank you, Wilson! Now join me in a rendition of "Do You Hear the People Sing"!

Wilson (voice of Romeo): Okay!

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**A/N: Review, review, review!**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

_*****__Benvolio and Jacinta search all Mercutio's favourite hangouts*_

Benvolio: Do you hear that?

Jacinta: I hear something... it sounds like a girl and a boy, but my, it's hard to hear it!

Benvolio: Which house do you think it's coming from?

*Benvolio and Jacinta walk around to each of the houses, until they can make out the voice of Juliette*

Benvolio: Oh no, 'tis her!

Jacinta: I have an idea - but she mustn't see you! Hide in that burrow yonder and I'll disguise myself!

_Tybalt and Sasha...__  
_  
Sasha: How about that, then?

Tybalt: No, that was the last meal I ate before I died!

Sasha: Well, you're not dead now! Why don't you choose what you want to eat?

Tybalt: I don't know what I want to eat...

Sasha: Well, you mustn't be that hungry then!

Tybalt: But, I am...

Sasha: *rolls her eyes* Well, I'm going to eat something, you can cry about not wanting anything here.

Tybalt: Wait! I'll have what you're having!

Sasha: Fine! *walks to a stall*

Tybalt: Wait! Not that!

Sasha: I swear to God, when we find Mercutio I'm giving him a kiss for killing you...

Tybalt: That was uncalled for.

Sasha: YOU were uncalled for! Hmm...What are we going to eat?

Tybalt: How about some fruit? And that comment was cruel!

Sasha: Fruit sounds good. That comment was true! Excuse me, ma'am. 10 oranges please! *turns to Tybalt* what do you want?

Fruit Stand Lady: Ten oranges? What about your husband?

Sasha: O.O No, no, no, no, no! I think you have the wrong idea. He's not my husband! I would never marry him. *leans in and whispers* He's a little challenged, if you catch my drift.

Fruit Stand Lady: *nods knowingly*

Tybalt: What was that?

Sasha: Nothing!

Fruit Stand Lady: *hands oranges to Sasha*

Sasha: Thank you! *turns to Tybalt* Oh, do you have any money?

Tybalt: Why do I have to pay?

Sasha: Because I am the lady and it would be only right for you to pay for it!

Tybalt: *groans and digs out a few coins*

Fruit Stand Lady: Thank you very much! *talks slowly to Tybalt* Haaave. A. Goood. Daaay.

Tybalt: Uhh...thanks.

Sasha: *walks off*

Tybalt: *runs after her* Why was that lady talking like that to me?

Sasha: Oh, no reason. You know how fruit venders are!

_Back to Romeo...and Wilson..._

Romeo:...and Mercutio says, "No, he would just eat it!" *laughs hysterically*

Wilson (voice of Romeo): *laughs* Haha! Romeo, you're so funny!

Romeo: I very much appreciate that, Wilson!

_In the abandoned attic..._

Juliette and Rachel: *hear knock on door* O.O


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

Juliette: Who's there?

Jacinta's voice: This is the landlady of this building, and the other tenants have been complaining! What are you doing in there?

Rachel: Nothing! We have...um... well my friend's baby cousin is here, is all, and we're entertaining him!

Jacinta's voice: Oh, a baby! May I see?

Rachel and Juliette: No!

Juliette: He just.. uhh..

Rachel: ...Fell asleep!

*Mercutio tries to say something, but it's muffled*

Jacinta: It sounds like he's awake.

Juliette: He's shy around strangers!

Jacinta: Well, luckily for me, I have a key to this room!

_*Juliette and Rachel look scared*_

_*The doorknob turns*_

_Romeo and Wilson are arguing..._

Romeo:...So, I don't see why birds shouldn't fly!

Wilson (Romeo's voice): But if birds didn't fly humans would!

Romeo: By what miracle?

Wilson (Romeo's voice): By the miracle that I AM god!

Romeo: If you're god why did you make birds fly and humans walk?

Wilson (Romeo's voice): Shut up, that's why!

_*Romeo throws Wilson. A resounding thud noise follows*_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

Jacinta: *barges in door*

Juliette and Rachel: Nooooooooooooo!

Jacinta: Rachel?

Rachel: Jacinta?

Jacinta: *hears noises coming from closet* Now, let's see about this cupboard.

Rachel: No! Don't open that door!

Juliette: There's an ugly possibly gay monster in there!

Jacinta: *opens closet door* Aha! Mercutio!

Mercutio: *muffled words*

Jacinta: What?

Mercutio: Mmm! Mmmm! Mmmph!

Jacinta: Huh?

Mercutio: Mmmmmm!

Jacinta: *takes gag off*

Mercutio: TAKE THE GAG OOOOOOOFF!

Jacinta: Well, there's no need to yell! *unties him*

Mercutio: Thank you. Uhh...who are you and how do you know my name?

Jacinta: I'm Jacinta, Sasha's friend.

Mercutio: *nods* Aaaah. I see. Where is Sasha?

Jacinta: She and Tybalt went to look for you.

Mercutio: Well, then let's go! I want to get away from these psychos as soon as possible.

Jacinta and Mercutio: *turn around and realize that Rachel and Juliette are gone*

Mercutio: Where did they go?

Jacinta: C'mon! We have to get Benvolio before Juliette finds him! *goes running out the door*

Mercutio: *follows*

Jacinta: *runs outside* Benvolio! Benvolio! *runs over to his hiding spot to find that he is missing*


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter 10**_

Jacinta: Oh no! Juliette must have taken Benvolio! What should we do?

Mercutio: She's determined to marry him - or rape him, I'm not sure which one she's planning first.

Jacinta: We have to see Friar Laurence! He'll be the one she goes to!

Mercutio: No! I heard her talking! She's planning on going to the forest and making Benvolio build them a cottage!

Jacinta: What?

Mercutio: Yes- I think the only reason she said this in front of me is because she didn't expect me to escape. That other girl was working with her - I don't know why!

_*Suddenly they hear voices*_

Sasha: Stop being so clumsy! Why don't you just admit that we're lost and get help?

Tybalt: No! We just have to keep walking around and we'll find our way back soon! I've lived here my whole life, when I find somewhere I'm familiar with I'll know where I am!

Sasha: What about some_ONE_ you're familiar with? *Sasha points to Mercutio and Jacinta*

Jacinta: Sasha! We found Juliette and Rachel, but they escaped when I freed Mercutio and took Benvolio!

Tybalt (trying to get back at Sasha for being rude to him): Hey Sasha, didn't you say you were going to kiss Mercutio for killing me?

*Sasha goes bright red. Mercutio laughs*

Mercutio: The pleasure is all mine!

Sasha: Hey, Tybalt, didn't Juliette dump you for Romeo?

Tybalt: ...I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about...

Jacinta: Speaking of Romeo, do you think he came back to life too?

Mercutio: What do you mean?

Jacinta: Well, you and Tybalt came back to life.

Sasha: Juliette too.

Tybalt: Yeah. That would make sense...Wait! Romeo died? And I wasn't the one who killed him?

Sasha: Pretty much. To the tomb!

Tybalt: What about Benvolio?

Mercutio: Oh, yeah...

Sasha: How about we split up? Mercutio and I can go get Romeo and Jacinta and Tybalt can look for Benvolio!

Tybalt: Why do I have to look for Benvolio?

Sasha: Because I said so!

Mercutio: I like the way you think!

Tybalt and Jacinta: *go off in search of Benvolio*

Sasha and Mercutio: *head to the tomb

_Sasha and Mercutio on pathway to vault..._

Sasha: Now, if I recall, Romeo should be sealed in the tomb, yes?

Mercutio: That sounds about right.

Sasha: The tomb's not far from here! Let's run!

Mercutio: Sounds good!

_*Sasha and Mercutio sprint to the tomb*_

_Jacinta and Tybalt are hurrying to the forest..._

Jacinta: Do you know of Juliette's favourite place in the forest?

Tybalt: Yes, I used to follow her there frequently.

Jacinta:...Okay. You can lead then!

Tybalt: Yes! This is the one direction I KNOW I can get right!

_Back to Benvolio and Juliette..._

Benvolio:...and then Mercutio said, "No, he would just eat it!"

Juliette: Oh, my Benvolio, what a thrilling tale! You tell it so humorously!

Rachel: Mercutio told you that one about 2 hours ago. It's still not funny.

Juliette: Stop ruining my moment with Benvolio!

Benvolio: What moment?

Rachel: I'm getting bored of this game, I'm going to go look for Tybalt.

*Tybalt races into the scene*

Rachel: Hel-lo! I should look for things more often!

_*Jacinta runs into the scene*_

Rachel: Oh.

Benvolio: Jacinta!

Juliette: Nooo! You shall not pass! You can't stop me from marrying Benvolio!


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11**_

Romeo: Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream! Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily! Life is but a dream!

Mercutio: Hello? Is anybody in here?

Romeo: Over here!

Sasha: *runs into room* Romeo!

Romeo: Stranger! *hugs Sasha*

Sasha: Okay, then...

Mercutio: Romeo, old friend!

Romeo: Mercutio! Why I- Ghost!

Mercutio: No, no! I'm not a ghost!

Romeo: Then, why aren't you dead?

Sasha: It's a long story...

_Back to the forest..._

Tybalt: *throws Juliette over shoulder and takes off running* Come, my love! We must see Friar Laurence at once!

Juliette: Tybalt? What are you doing? Put me down!

Rachel: No! Tybby, come back! I'm the one you want to marry! *runs after Tybalt*

Benvolio: I've been saved!

Jacinta: Did she hurt you?

Benvolio: Fortunately, you came just in time!

Jacinta: It wasn't just me. Tybalt helped too.

Benvolio: Speaking of Tybalt, do you think we should go rescue Juliette? I mean, I know she's a bit crazy, but even _she_ doesn't deserve _that_.

Jacinta: Good point...

Benvolio: I think he went this way - I know a short-cut to Friar Laurence but it's not like we can't be stealthy with the sound that they're making!

Jacinta: I think we should follow their path though - who knows what could happen between now and when they get to Friar Laurence's cell?

_*Benvolio and Jacinta make to follow Tybalt, Juliette and Rachel but before they can get far Tybalt runs past them, in the opposite direction, still holding Juliette. Rachel is chasing him with a mad glint in her eye, and as she rushes past Jacinta and Benvolio they see that she is slightly foaming at the mouth*_

Tybalt: GO AWAY! YOU'RE CRAZY!

Rachel: I'm the crazy one? MARRY MEEEEEE!

Tybalt: I can't...keep running...must...drop...baggage...  
_  
*Tybalt dumps Juliette unceremoniously on the ground in the forest without pausing.*_

Juliette: Who are you calling baggage?

_*Juliette starts chasing after Tybalt too*_

Tybalt: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Benvolio: On second thoughts, I don't really think he will make it out of that one alive...

Jacinta: I'm betting you 5 pieces of gold Juliette gets to him first-she's furious!

Benvolio: You're on-I'm betting Rachel will get there first.

_*Jacinta and Benvolio shake on their bet*_

_Back to Romeo, Sasha and Mercutio..._

Sasha:...so now, Juliette and Rachel have Benvolio and Jacinta and Tybalt have gone to rescue him!

Romeo: *hums softly to himself* Oh, what a fickle world, what a fickle world I mean, uh, I imagined something like this happening! But when my love sees that I'm alive she will surely forget all about Benvolio! After all, we are married til death, and neither of us is dead!

Sasha: I guess it's worth a shot...

Mercutio: Okay then. Romeo, you're coming with us.

Romeo: Really? *picks up Wilson* My pretty, we're leaving, we're leaving!

Wilson (Romeo's voice): Yay!

_*Sasha and Mercutio look at each other. They're not sure whether to laugh or cry at Romeo*_

_In the forest..._

Mercutio:...and so I said, "Well, then can you at least saddle your horse?"

Romeo, Sasha, Wilson (voice of Romeo), and Mercutio: *laugh hysterically*

Romeo: Good one!

Mercutio: Did I tell you the one-

Sasha: Yeah!

Romeo: "No, he would just eat it!"

Mercutio: Hahahaha!

Romeo, Sasha, Wilson (voice of Romeo), and Mercutio: *laugh some more*

Sasha: *hears screaming* Did you guys hear something?

Mercutio: *listens* It sounds like a frightened little girl!

Sasha: You're right!

Romeo: *listens too* That's no little girl! That's Tybalt!

Mercutio and Sasha: XD

Romeo: We must find out what is troubling him! *runs deeper into forest*

Mercutio and Sasha: *exchange looks, shrug, and follow*

_Back to Jacinta and Benvolio..._

Jacinta and Benvolio: *sitting watching Tybalt, Rachel, and Juliette run back and forth*

Benvolio: When do you think they'll stop?

Jacinta: They have to get tired eventually.

Tybalt: *runs by* Benvolio, you have to help me!

Benvolio: No, I'm good right here.

Rachel: You will be mine!

Juliette: I'll teach you to call me baggage!

Tybalt: Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Mercutio, Sasha, and Romeo: *come running into clearing*

Sasha: Did you guys find Tybalt?

Benvolio: Indeed.

Mercutio: Can't you hear him screaming?

Jacinta: For the past half an hour, actually.

Romeo: Why is he screaming?

Tybalt, Juliette, and Rachel: *come running by, screaming*

Benvolio: That's why.

Sasha: Oh.

Benvolio: Jacinta and I are betting on who will catch Tybalt first.

Jacinta: I'm betting on Juliette.

Benvolio: My money's on Rachel.

Sasha: Rachel doesn't participate in physical exercise very often...

Benvolio:...O.O

Jacinta: :)

Benvolio: Well, she's so skinny...and hyper... that naturally I assumed...

Sasha: I understand.

Jacinta: ^_^

Romeo: Juliette! It's me, Romeo!

Juliette: *immediately stops* ...X_x

Romeo: Aren't you happy to see me?

Juliette: Happy isn't exactly the word coming to mind...

Romeo: *gushes*

Juliette: Listen, Romeo. I don't think that things are going to work out between us. *takes off running after Tybalt*

Romeo: ...D:

_*Romeo chases after Juliette. Sasha goes over and sits next to Jacinta and Mercutio follows.*  
_  
Mercutio: Wow, they're just running in circles now, see? Tybalt, Rachel, Juliette, Romeo...Tybalt, Rachel, Juliette, Romeo...

Jacinta: Yes! Rachel's slowing down! Now it's Tybalt, Juliette, Romeo and Rachel!

Benvolio: *groans*

Mercutio: How much did you bet?

Benvolio: 5 pieces of gold...

Mercutio: Wow. Tough break.

Benvolio: It's not over yet!

_*Rachel stops and tries to catch her breath*_

Benvolio: Damn.

Jacinta: Wait a second!

*Tybalt keels over and Juliette and Rachel pounce on him at the same time*

Benvolio: Ha! It's a draw!

Mercutio: Um, I think someone should get Juliette off him... she's going to mutilate Tybalt's face...but let's get Rachel off him first.

Sasha: Look! A shinigami!

Rachel: Where?

_*Mercutio and Sasha tie Rachel's hands and feet up so she can't escape. Benvolio and Jacinta subdue Juliette*_

Tybalt: I saw my life flash before my eyes!

Romeo: Woe is me! Julieeeeeeetttteeeeee!

Sasha: I saw your life flash before my eyes too!

Mercutio: Really? I just saw them running in circles...

Tybalt:?

Rachel: It's not a draw until I say it's a draw!

Sasha: *Yul Brynner impression* Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!

Rachel: Huh? *tries to break free of ropes*

Jacinta: Rachel, what are you doing? You're not the Hulk.

Rachel: Darnit! Damned ninja powers are too weak!

Jacinta: You're not a ninja..

Rachel:...

Juliette: Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!

Sasha: Nobody's holding you back.

Juliette: Oh...right. *lunges at Tybalt*

Benvolio: What are you doing? I thought we were going to stop them!

Sasha: Nah. This is more fun. *plops down on ground and watches Juliette chase Tybalt like a madwoman*

Benvolio, Jacinta, and Mercutio: *shrug and sit down too*

Romeo: Whatever shall I do without my precious Juliette!

Rosaline: *walks by and winks at Romeo*

Romeo: O.O ...*slicks hair back and chases after Rosaline*

Mercutio: He bounced back fast.

Rachel: *sits down next to Sasha* Heh! You're right. This _is_ kind of amusing!


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12**_

Juliette: I'll get you, Tybalt!

Tybalt: WHYYYYY?

Juliette: You called my baggage!

Tybalt: Oh, right. That. I mean, uh, look! Benvolio is just sitting there! Grab him!

Juliette: Where?

_*Tybalt runs away while Juliette is distracted. Rachel jumps up and hops after him.*_

Benvolio:...Okay, that was strange.

Juliette: Benny! Kiss me!

_*Juliette is about to run towards Benvolio when she suddenly falls flat on her face, unconcious.*_

Jacinta: Juliette, are you okay? *Jacinta sees a dart sticking out of the back of Juliette's neck and looks up*

Rachel, Jacinta, Mercutio and Benvolio: Friar Laurence!

Friar Laurence: Thank God I came here in time! I gave Juliette the wrong potion-the one I gave her induces psychotic episodes after awakening!

Benvolio: I guess that explains it, then...

Friar Laurence: Don't worry; the dart is only a tranquiliser. Quick, let's get her back to my cell!

Sasha: Why would you have a potion that induces psychotic episodes anyway?

Mercutio: Stop using such big words!

Sasha, Benvolio, Tybalt, Rachel, Jacinta, and Friar Laurence:...

Sasha:...But, seriously, why?

Friar Laurence: That's a great question, Sasha. Any other questions? Anyone?

Sasha:?

Friar Laurence: Now that you've stopped talking, let's get back to my lair...er...cell.

Jacinta: What about Romeo?

Rachel: I have a feeling he's not too unhappy right now...

Jacinta: O.o

Mercutio: Wow. Some serious TMI there...

Benvolio: What does TMI mean?

Mercutio: You know, I have no idea! Sasha said it.

Benvolio: *nods* I see.

_Entering the gates of Verona..._

Mercutio:...so I said, "No, he would just eat it!"

Friar Laurence: *laughs hysterically* That joke is...

Townspeople: *look up at him in surprise*

Friar Laurence:... completely inappropriate! Tisk, tisk! *slaps the back of Mercutio's hand*

Mercutio: ?

Friar Laurence: *clears throat* Oh, here we are!

Tybalt: Thank God! Who knew a 16 year old girl could be so heavy!

Friar Laurence: *gestures to cot* Just set her here. Gently!

Tybalt: Okay. *throws her on bed...not gently*

Friar Laurence: -_-

Jacinta: Now what?

Friar Laurence: Now we perform THE EXORCISM!

Jacinta, Benvolio, Mercutio, Sasha: O.O

Friar Laurence: Nah, just kidding. I have the antidote here; we just need to give it to her.

Jacinta, Benvolio, Mercutio, Sasha: ?

Friar Laurence: So, Mercutio-you hold her left arm. Benvolio-right arm. Jacinta-left leg. Sasha-right leg.

Tybalt: What about Rachel and me?

Friar Laurence: I want you to hold Juliette's nose closed and Rachel-you can hold her jaw open.

_*The antidote is administered without much fuss on Juliette's part*_

Friar Laurence: Oh, I thought she might put up more of a fight...

Tybalt: Rachel, you really are quite evil, aren't you?

Rachel: *giggles* Oh, I try.

Tybalt: Maybe I was wrong about you. You are my saviour, after all.

Rachel: Oh, Tybby, it was nothing!

Tybalt: Don't call me Tybby.

Rachel: *voice gets all high* Okay! Eeeeep! Tybalt thinks I'm evil! *pulls out cell phone and starts texting* I have to tell everyone I know!

Sasha: Rachel...there's no reception here.

Rachel:...Oh, yeah...

Juliette: *starts to wake up* I had the strangest dream. *points at Tybalt* You were in it. *points at Benvolio* And you! *points at Sasha* And you! *points at Rachel* And you! *points at Jacinta* And you! *points at Mercutio* Maaaybe you...It's a little blurry...

Mercutio:...

Juliette: Oh, yeah! You were in my dream!

Mercutio: :D

Juliette: The gay guy!

Mercutio:...

Sasha: Actually, he's not gay.

Juliette: Really?

Sasha: Really.

Mercutio: :D

Juliette: Bi?

Mercutio: I'm straight, damnit!

Juliette: It's okay, Mercutio. You can admit it.

Mercutio:...

Sasha and Rachel: *hold Mercutio back*

Benvolio: Okay, enough you two.

Juliette: Benvolio! *huggles him* I'll always remember you!

Benvolio: ...Juliette, the truth is...I'm gay.

Juliette: ...What?

Benvolio: I'm gay! I'm as gay as gay can be! I love men! Love them! Love them! Love them! I LOOOOOOOOOOVE MEN! HELL, I THINK MERCUTIO'S A SEXY BEAST!

Juliette: W-w-what? But,...you can't be gay! You just can't!

Jacinta: *leans over and whispers* I think you took that a little too far.

Mercutio: YOU'RE GAY? You pervert! I went swimming with you!

Sasha: *whispers* He's not really gay. He's just trying to get rid of Juliette.

Mercutio: ... Riiiiight...I totally knew that...all along! Heehee!

Sasha: You're so cute when you're embarrassed!

Mercutio: You're so cute when you're right!

_*Mercutio grabs Sasha's hand and pulls her next to himself, then puts his arm around Sasha's waist. Sasha goes beetroot red.*_

Sasha: Uhh...um...Hi.

Friar Laurence, Jacinta, Benvolio, Tybalt, Rachel and Juliette: Awwwww!

Juliette: Anyway, where was I? That's right-you're gay! Nooooo!

Benvolio: I'm sorry, Juliette. We could have had a thing but I'm just not that interested in you.

Juliette: Oh well. Hey, Friar Laurence, you aren't married, right? *Juliette winks at Friar Laurence.*

Friar Laurence: Actually, I'm kinda married to the job. A church thing, you know?

Juliette: Oh. Online dating site it is, then!

Jacinta: Yeah, good luck getting wireless internet around here...

Benvolio: Well, Juliette, as long as you're certain about my sexuality and have moved on, may we leave?

Juliette: *trying to find a plug for her laptop's internet* Sure, go ahead...

Benvolio: Come on, Jacinta.

_*Benvolio and Jacinta exit*_

Rachel: *gets down on one knee* Tybalt, I know you haven't known me for very long...

Tybalt: O.O

Rachel: But, I've known you for quite a while...

Tybalt: You stalked me?

Rachel: Stalked is such a...such a strong word!

Tybalt: You stalked me.

Rachel:...Yeah. But, I think we can put that behind us and you know,...maybe...get married?

Tybalt:...No.

Rachel: Wha?

Tybalt: No.

Rachel: Whyyy? I brought you back to life!

Tybalt: So?

Rachel: But...but...you owe me!

Tybalt: *thinks* I kind of do, don't I? But I can be evil too.

Rachel: Not as evil as me! Friar, marry us now!

Tybalt: Huh? I never agreed...

Friar: Do you, Tybalt, take Rachel to be your wife?

Tybalt: uhhh...umm...

Rachel: Say yes!

Tybalt: Whatever.

Friar: And Rachel, do you take Tybalt to be your man?

Rachel: Whatever!

Friar: Okay, you're married for who knows how long!

Tybalt: Yup... Can we go get some food? I'm hungry.

Rachel: Certainly, my preciousssss!

Tybalt: *gulp* O.O

_Back to Benvolio and Jacinta..._

Benvolio: Jacinta, I wish to ask something of you.

Jacinta: *blushes* Yes, Benvolio?

Benvolio:...well,...uuuum...I don't really know how to go about asking this...but,...uh...ummmm...do you like turnips? I can't seem to find anyone who says they like turnips.

Jacinta: X_x Turnips?

Benvolio: Yeah! :)

_Back to Sasha and Mercutio..._

Sasha: Sheesh. Everyone just kind of left...

Mercutio: I know. Was it something I said?

Sasha: Probably. But, don't feel bad about yourself!

Mercutio: :)

Sasha: This is going to sound weird, but...do you wanna frolic through a field of flowers?

Mercutio: O.O I WOULD LOVE TO FROLIC THROUGH A FIELD OF FLOWERS!

Sasha: :D

Mercutio: :D

Sasha and Mercutio: *frolic through a field of flowers* Falalalalaaaa!


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13**_

_Back to Jacinta and Benvolio..._

Jacinta: Well, they're okay. I mean, I don't eat them all the time, but my grandmother had a really nice turnip stew recipe...

Benvolio: And, of course, being a scribe, you could easily read this recipe?

Jacinta: Yes...

Benvolio: :)

_Mercutio and Sasha..._

_*Mercutio and Sasha are lying on a bed of flowers, looking at clouds*_

Sasha: That one's a giraffe!

Mercutio: And that one's a piglet on two legs!

Sasha: Actually, I think that looks kind of like Tybalt.

Mercutio: Wow, you're right! Do you know what Tybalt's even up to at the moment?

Sasha: Nah, he's probably running away from Rachel by now...

_Tybalt and Rachel..._

Rachel: I'll make you a nice, home-cooked meal!

Tybalt: Sure. What meal?

Rachel: Black pudding!

Tybalt: Uhh... my favourite...

Rachel: heee heeee heeee heee heee... teee heeee heeee heee heeee.

Tybalt: Such an evil laugh... perhaps you are worthy of me!

_Benvolio and Jacinta..._

Benvolio: Finally! A girl who doesn't hate turnips! Now, there are no more doubts in my mind!

Jacinta: *blushes* What are you saying, Benvolio?

Benvolio: Jacinta,...

Jacinta: *leans forward expectantly* Yes, Benvolio?

Benvolio: Will you...

Jacinta: Yeees?

Benvolio: Will you teach me how to make your grandmother's turnip stew?

Jacinta: X_x

_Back to Rachel and Tybalt..._

Rachel: All done! *sets bowl of bubbling black slime on the table*

Tybalt: O.o...Yuuuuum.

Rachel: Well?

Tybalt: Well?

Rachel: Don't be shy! Eat up!

Tybalt: Well, you worked so hard to cook this meal and I would hate to be the one to taste this delicious looking...uh...food...before you!

Rachel: Don't be silly, Tybby! I cooked it for you! And I would feel just horrible if you didn't eat it!

Tybalt: *slowly lifts spoon to mouth* yuuummy...

Rachel: :)

Tybalt: *tries not to throw up*

Rachel: Do you like?

Tybalt: *nods, tearing up*

Rachel: Good! I'll get you some more!

Tybalt: *sob*

_Back to Sasha and Mercutio..._

Mercutio: That one looks like a-...never mind

Sasha: O.o You're right...it does.

Mercutio: We should get married!

Sasha: *sits up* You're right! We should!

Mercutio: Seriously?

Sasha: Yep!

Mercutio: Cool beans!

Sasha: Coolio!

Mercutio and Sasha: *frolic all the way to the church*


	14. Chapter 14

_**Chapter 14**_

_At the church..._

Friar Laurence:...and do you, Sasha-

Sasha: I do!

Friar Laurence:...Okay then. I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

_*Mercutio leans toward Sasha and kisses her. Sasha almost faints*_

Mercutio: Yay!

Sasha: Yay!

Sasha and Mercutio: *frolic through some more flowers* Falalalalaaaa!

_Benvolio and Jacinta..._

Jacinta: Then you add a cup of flour and mix well!

Benvolio: Now what?

Jacinta: Just let it simmer for a bit.

Benvolio: Mmmmm, this smells so good! *sits down next to the stove and beckons Jacinta to sit next to him* I can't wait to taste it!

_It's a different matter with Tybalt..._

Tybalt: I think I'm really full now...you know, Sasha and I ate a LOT of oranges this afternoon!

Rachel: I can't even tempt you for fourths?

Tybalt: No.

Rachel: You don't appreciate my cooking...

Tybalt: That's not it! Maybe tomorrow you can make me something else, and I won't eat a lot during the day...

Rachel: Okay! Tomorrow it will be fried offal on a bed of gravy!

Tybalt:...Sounds good, sweetie...

Rachel: *squeals* Wait! You eat oranges with Sasha, but you won't eat my cooking?

Tybalt: No! It's not like that!

Rachel: Are you cheating on me? With my best friend?

Tybalt: No! We were looking for Mercutio!

Rachel: *gasp* So, you're cheating on me with Mercutio!

Tybalt: O.o No! That's not true! I'm not! I'm straight!

Rachel: Juliette was right! *storms out of the room*

Tybalt: O.O

Rachel: *walks back in* This marriage is so over! *storms back out*

Tybalt: *shrugs* Whatever. *walks away*

_Back to Mercutio and Sasha..._

Sasha: I like being married.

Mercutio: Me too!

Sasha: It's a lot more fun than people say it is...

Mercutio: We should have our first argument!

Sasha: Okay! Mercutio, you're always getting on my nerves!

Mercutio: You don't understand me!

Sasha: You're so lazy!

Mercutio: I need to be a man!

Sasha: I slave day in and day out trying to make your life easier!

Mercutio: I bring home the bacon and put bread on the table!

Sasha: I wish I had never married you!

Mercutio: I want a divorce!

Sasha and Mercutio: *look at each other and burst out laughing*

Mercutio: That was fun!

Sasha: We should try that again some time!

Mercutio: :D

Sasha: :D

_Back to Jacinta and Benvolio..._

Jacinta: Benvolio?

Benvolio: Yes?

Jacinta: Is there something you want to ask me?

Benvolio: *thinks for a while* Not that I can think of...

Jacinta: *hinting* Are you suuuuure?

Benvolio: Positive. Why? Is there something you want to ask me?

Jacinta: *blushing* Um, well... I can cook you meals like this every night, if you desire.

Benvolio: Oh! You can teach me how to cook?

Jacinta: *facepalm* Not quite. Well, I guess I could do that too, but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean... Maybe... if it was okay with you... Umm...

Benvolio: Would you marry me, if I asked?

Jacinta: Are you asking?

Benvolio: *thinks about it* Yes, I am.

Jacinta: YES!

_*The turnip stew boils over as Jacinta throws her arms around Benvolio's neck*_

_Sasha and Mercutio..._

Sasha: Mercutio! Come look at this! Our dishwashing liquid makes bubbles!

Mercutio: Omigosh! Bubble fight! *Mercutio scoops up a handful of bubbles and throws them at Sasha*

Sasha: *joins in*

_Later..._

Sasha and Mercutio: *still throwing bubbles*

Sasha: Surrender!

Mercutio: Never!

Jacinta and Benvolio: *walk into the midst of the bubble fight*

Benvolio: I have an announcement!

Mercutio: *looks up* Benvolio, old friend! I just got married!

Benvolio: You did? To who?

Mercutio: Sasha!

Jacinta: *shrugs* Figures.

Mercutio: What announcement did you have to make?

Benvolio: Jacinta and I are getting married! *gets hit in the face with bubbles*

Sasha: Sorry! I'm so sorry!

Jacinta: *giggles*

Benvolio: -_-

Sasha: :)

Mercutio: :)

Sasha: Anyway, when's the big day? Mercutio and I just kind of...eloped!

Mercutio: It was fun!

Benvolio: *still wiping bubbles from his hair* We're not exactly sure yet, but we're thinking in a few days.

Jacinta: Yeah! And, of course, you're both invited! Benvolio, you missed some...*Jacinta scoops a handful of bubbles out of Benvolio's hair and wipes her hand on his shirt*

Benvolio: Thanks...*glares at Sasha*

Sasha: I said I was sorry!

Benvolio:...*laughs* I know, I just wanted to make you feel bad.

Jacinta: Who else should we invite to the wedding?

Benvolio: Hmm...

_Rachel and Tybalt..._

Rachel: I TAKE IT BACK! I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE!

Tybalt: You know I don't really care either way, right?

Rachel: I love you too! :D

Tybalt: -_-

Rachel: :D

Tybalt: -_-

Rachel: :D

Tybalt: -_-

Rachel: :D

Tybalt: -_-

Rachel: :D

_This goes on for three days..._

Tybalt: -_-

Rachel: :D

Tybalt: -_-

Rachel: :D

Tybalt: -_-

Benvolio, Jacinta, Sasha, and Mercutio: *burst into room* ...:D...O.O...

Tybalt: No really, come on in.

Sasha: Well! Tybalt, I'm sensing some sarcasm from you!

Tybalt: No, really.

Jacinta: We have some big news!

Tybalt: *walks over and puts hand on Benvolio's stomach* When are you due?

Benvolio: -_-

Mercutio: XD

Benvolio: -_-

Meructio:...

Benvolio: Anyway, Jacinta and I are getting married and we felt _obligated_ to invite you and your wife.

Tybalt: Will there be food?

Benvolio: Yes.

Tybalt: I'm in! *leans in to Mercutio and whispers* I haven't eaten for like four days! Rachel can't cook for her life!

Mercutio: Ooo! That's tough.

Tybalt: Tell me about it!

Rachel: When's the big day?

Jacinta: In two days! *Jacinta grabs Benvolio's hand and jumps up and down*

_*Sasha also jumps up and down*_

Jacinta and Sasha: Wheeee!

Tybalt: Right. Well, do you mind kindly exiting? Only, the Capulets are coming around for dinner- by the way, they're coming around because I explained that we *motions to Mercutio and himself* and Juliette and Romeo are alive and we want to discuss peace between the Montagues and Capulets!

Mercutio: Can we come around for dinner, too? *grins* We can all bring a plate of food...

Tybalt: *struggling with himself for a moment* I suppose if you invited us to Benvolio and Jacinta's wedding it's only polite to allow you to join us...

_Later, at dinner..._

_*awkward silence*_

Lord Capulet: This certainly is a...lovely dinner, Tybalt...

Tybalt: Thank you, Uncle.

Lady Capulet: *whispers to Lord Capulet* Why are they here? *motions to Benvolio, Sasha, Jacinta, and Mercutio*

Lord Capulet: *whispers* Now, Desideria, it is Tybalt's life. Just stay cool and let him do what he wants.

Lady Capulet: Stay cool! He invited Montagues to dinner!

Lord Capulet: Technically, Mercutio, Sasha, and Jacinta aren't Montagues. And it would be nice to have some sort of tie to the Prince.

Lady Capulet: Hmph!

Tybalt: Is something wrong?

Lady Capulet: Wrong? What's wrong? First of all-

Lord Capulet: *shoves fish in his wife's mouth* Nothing's wrong! We were just enjoying this fabulous dinner!

Rachel: *ish proud* Thank you!

Lady Capulet: Wow, Tybalt. You finally got yourself a wife! And what a lovely wife she is!

Tybalt: -_- Yeah, just peachy...

Lady Capulet: I see you're still living in this dump of a house. You have a wife now! I think you should consider getting a larger estate. Rachel deserves much different than this!

Tybalt: You have no idea...

Rachel: Oh, it's nothing to me! As long as I'm with my Tybby!

Tybalt: *wants to object to Rachel's nickname for him, but is afraid of Lady Capulet*

Lady Capulet: What an adorable nickname!

Tybalt: *eye twitch*

Sasha: Actually, he doesn't really like that nickname...

Lady Capulet: I don't think it's your place to say so.

Sasha: Actually, I'm Tybalt's friend.

Lady Capulet: *glares*

Sasha: :D

Lady Capulet: Who are you again?

Mercutio: She's my wife.

Lord Capulet: *begins choking, coughing, and hacking*

Lady Capulet: Arrigo! Are you alright?

Lord Capulet: *drinks some water* Your wife?

Mercutio: Yeeeees. Why?

Lord Capulet: It's just that...you never seemed like the type of man who...liked...women...

Mercutio: -_-

Tybalt: XD

Mercutio: *stands behind Lord Capulet with frying pan*

Sasha: Actually, the reason we invited you two to dinner was to propose _**peace**_ between the Montagues and Capulets. *emphasizes the word 'peace' and looks at Mercutio*

Mercutio: *sneaks back to seat*

Lady Capulet: Peace?

Lord Capulet: What a marvellous idea!

Tybalt: *stands up* Actually, it was MY idea! *ish proud*

Lady Capulet:...

Lord Capulet: Your Aunt is just delighted! Right, honey?

Lady Capulet: *sarcasm* Overjoyed.

Benvolio: Now that that's settled, I have some news of my own.

Lady Capulet: *walks over to Benvolio and puts her hand on his stomach* When are you due?

Mercutio and Tybalt: XD

Benvolio: I am NOT pregnant!

Jacinta: Actually, we're getting married.

Benvolio: Did everybody hear that? _**Getting married!**_

Tybalt: And then you'll get pregnant.

Benvolio: -_-

_*more awkward silence*_

Jacinta: *clears throat* Who wants dessert?


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

_After dessert..._

Lady Capulet: That was a lovely meal, thank you, Rachel.

Rachel: Thank _you_, Lady Capulet!

Tybalt: *cough*

Benvolio: Anyway, as I was saying earlier, would you like to come to our wedding? I think it would be a marvellous opportunity for the Capulets and Montagues to get along!

Lord Capulet: You're inviting more Montagues?

Jacinta: Not yet, we wanted to ask you first.

Lady Capulet: Thanks but no th-

Lord Capulet: Splendid! I'd be delighted!

Lady Capulet: ?

Benvolio: Thank you!

Mercutio: You know, I think a little bit more than a wedding is needed to reconcile the families...

Lady Capulet: I agree!

_*Silence*_

Lord Capulet: Do my ears deceive me? You agree with Mercutio?

Lady Capulet: O.O strange... Okay, you've won this round, Neffy!

Sasha: Neffy! Haha, I'm SO calling you that from now on, Mercutio!

Mercutio: Um... sure! Let's go with that!

Benvolio: Now the question is, how are we going to invite the Montagues along?

Mercutio: Leave it to me...


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16**_

_The next day..._

Mercutio: I've done it!

Tybalt: Really?

Mercutio: I certainly did!

Sasha: How did you do it?

Mercutio: I sent out invitations to every Montague and Capulet, only I didn't tell them what they were reeeally coming for.

Jacinta: You didn't tell them we're getting married?

Mercutio: Nope.

Rachel: Or that we're going to try and reconcile the Montagues and the Capulets?

Mercutio: Nope.

Benvolio: You didn't tell them any of that?

Mercutio: Nope. *ish proud*

Tybalt: Then, what did you tell them?

Mercutio: *hands invitation to Tybalt*

Tybalt: *reads* Dear, Capulets and Montagues, I'm calling a meeting to discuss Tybalt Capulet's psychological state of mind?

Mercutio: Genius idea isn't it?

Tybalt: *lunges*

Rachel: *catches Tybalt by the back of his tunic*

Tybalt: YOU'RE DEAD MEAT!

Mercutio: I know, I know. I've outdone myself. No need to thank me.

Tybalt: THAT'S FOR SURE!

Mercutio: ^_^

Sasha, Benvolio, and Jacinta: *giggle*

Tybalt: That's not funny!

Mercutio: Come on, Tybalt! Have a sense of humour! And it's for the sake of our families.

Tybalt: *glares* Fine.

Jacinta: :)

Sasha: Now, speaking of wedding preparations...

Benvolio: What are you talking about? No one said anything about wedding preparations.

Sasha: Work with me, Benny!

Benvolio: *sighs* Go on...

Sasha: Anyway, we should start getting ready for the big day!

Jacinta: You're right! I don't even have a dress!

Rachel: We can steal Juliette's!

Sasha and Jacinta: X.x

Rachel: ^_^

Sasha: Ooooor, we could make one?

Rachel: Awww! That's no fun!

Sasha: *whispers* You think we should let her help with the wedding?

Jacinta: *whispers* Not at all!

Sasha: Got it! Rachel, why don't you prepare the food for the wedding!

Tybalt: O.O You really don't want to do that!

Sasha: Why not?

Tybalt: Just trust me.

Jacinta: Maybe Rachel could help with making sure everyone's punctual and ready?

Tybalt: Also, not a good idea.

Sasha: Rachel, why don't you do those pretty icing designs of yours on the cake?

Rachel: Yeah!

Tybalt: Oh, God no...

Sasha: And Jacinta, I know just the person to make you a pretty wedding dress!

Jacinta: Who?

_A little while later..._

_*Sasha and Jacinta stand out the front of an old-looking shop*_

Sasha: Here we are! *opens the door*

Voice: Ever heard of knocking?

Sasha: Kelsey! It's me!

Kelsey: Sasha?

Sasha: Yep! And I brought a friend!

Jacinta: Hi, I'm Jacinta.

Kelsey: I'm Kelsey. How can I help you two?

Sasha: Can you make a wedding dress? Quickly?

Kelsey: Sure. Step this way and I'll get you fitted.

Kelsey: *measuring Jacinta*

Sasha: So, Kelsey, how was Alaska?

Kelsey: O.O I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about...

Sasha: I think you do.

Kelsey: Don't be silly, Sasha! Why would I be in Alaska hiding from the government?

Sasha: I didn't say anything about you hiding from the government!

Kelsey: Well, I'm all done measuring you, Jacinta. I have to go now, bye! *shoves Jacinta and Sasha out the door and puts up 'Closed' sign*

Jacinta: That was strange...

Kelsey from inside the shop: *boards up windows, pulls the drapes closed, and locks the door*

Sasha: *shrugs*

_Back to Tybalt and Mercutio..._

Tybalt: Change it!

Mercutio: It's too late. I've already sent out the invitations.

Tybalt: Then, send out new ones!

Mercutio: No.

Tybalt: Grrrrr! *lunges*

Rachel: *catches Tybalt by the back of his tunic...again*

Tybalt: How do you do that?

Rachel: Practice. *grins evilly at Mercutio*

Mercutio: O.O...?

Rachel: *evil smile*

Mercutio: Well, I'd better be going now. *walks away*

Tybalt: Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!

Rachel: I'm not holding you back anymore...

Tybalt: *looks around* Oh, right...*runs after Mercutio*

Rachel: Three, two, one...

Tybalt: *from front room* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Rachel: *walks into front room*

Tybalt: *hanging from ceiling by his foot which is caught in a rope on the ceiling* What is this?

Rachel: Just a little trap I set up. *walks away*

Tybalt: Where are you going? You have to get me down!

Rachel: I will...later. But, there are things to be done first...*walks away laughing evilly*

Tybalt: What do you mean there are things to be done?

Rachel: *laughs wickedly* I have a wedding to destroy!

Tybalt: What?

Rachel: First of all, I'm not really Rachel. *pulls off mask*

Tybalt: *gasp* Juliette!

Juliette: Yes. Juliette.

Tybalt: But,...where's Rachel?

Juliette: *opens closet door to reveal Rachel tied and gagged*

Tybalt:...

Juliette: I've been here the whole time! And now, I have to go win back my man! *pulls out gag and ties it around Tybalt's head*

Tybalt: *muffled cries*

Juliette: *walks away* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tybalt: Mnnck...mrn...mmmma...mrrrwn!

Rachel: Mffft Mmmmm Mheee!

Tybalt: *starts swinging towards Rachel* Mrrrf Mnnn?

Rachel: Mmmm nnnnn!

Tybalt: *rope breaks and he crashes to the floor* Mrrrr! *he clutches his head*

Rachel: Mrrrr...?

Tybalt: *runs over to Rachel with the rope still around his leg and undoes her gag*

Rachel: Your hands are free! You could have undone your own gag!

Tybalt: *blushes, then reaches around and unties his own gag*. Right. Are you okay?

Rachel: Yes, I'm just peachy, thank you. Can you untie my hands please?

Tybalt: Oh, right. *unties Rachel's hands* What are we going to do about Juliette?

Rachel: I worked with her for a long time-three hours, in fact. I think I know her pretty well.

Tybalt: Oh yeah, three hours is practically a lifetime.

Rachel: You need to go and warn Benvolio and Jacinta, and I'll tell Friar Laurence!

_*They both rush off*_

Friar Laurence:...and so Mercutio says, "No, he would just eat it!"

Room full of monks: *chuckle*

Rachel: Friar Laurence! We have a situation! It's urgent!

Friar Laurence: Oh? Explain it all, please. My brothers, if you wouldn't mind...?

Room full of monks: *shuffle out*

_In the meantime..._

Tybalt: And so you see, Juliette's still having psychotic episodes!

Benvolio: O.O

Jacinta: We must hold off the wedding until she is caught!

Tybalt: I don't think that's necessary. However, I have a plan. But we'll need the help of Montagues and Capulets...

Jacinta: Go on...

Tybalt, Mercutio, Sasha, Jacinta, Rachel, Benvolio, Montagues, and Capulets: *huddle in a big circle*

Tybalt: Everybody got the plan?

Mercutio: *whiney voice* Do I have to?

Tybalt: Yes!

Mercutio: This wouldn't happen to be payback for the invitation thing would it?

Tybalt: Nuuuuuuuuu! *head twitch*

Lady Capulet: Are you even sure this is going to work?

Tybalt: Nope!

Lady Capulet: So, what are we supposed to do if it doesn't work?

Tybalt: Umm...run around in circles screaming, "Apple"?

Sasha: Cool beans!

Benvolio: Cool beans? Explain that phrase! I'm so confused!

Sasha:...

_Later at the wedding..._

_*wedding music plays*_

Friar Laurence: We are gathered here today...blah, blah, blah. Exchange your vows.

Juliette: *barges through door* HALT!

Mercutio: *gasps, really fake-sounding surprise voice* What are you doing here?

Juliette: I've come for my man! *grabs Benvolio and runs*

Sasha: Oh, no! Whatever shall we do? Oh, the horror! The horror!

Juliette: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We'll soon be together, Benny!

Benvolio: *from behind Juliette* I don't think so!

Juliette: *ish shocked* Waaaaait, if you're over there, who's this? *turns "Benvolio" over* Tybalt?

Tybalt: That's right, Juliette. It's time this madness ends!

Juliette: And who exactly is going to stop me?

Tybalt: I am!

Juliette: *pulls out water gun* Do you really want to do that?

Mercutio: It's not working! *runs around in circles* APPLE! APPLE!

Tybalt: *chuckles* You're good,...BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH! *pulls out even bigger water gun*

Everyone else: *collective gasp*

Juliette: Tybalt! You can't do this to me! I'm your little cousin! We grew up together!

Tybalt: I know, Juliette. But, then you turned to the dark side. I have no other choice! *shoots Juliette with water gun*

Juliette: Nooooooooooo! I'm melting! I'm melting! *looks down and realizes that she's not melting* Oh...never mind.

Tybalt: Mercutio! Now!

Mercutio: *stops running and screaming* Oh, okay! *tackles Juliette and sits on her*

Juliette: *trying to get Mercutio off of her* Get off me! Somebody get the gay man off me!

Mercutio: *bounces on her* NOT. GAY.

Benvolio and Sasha: *tie Juliette's hands behind her back*

Sasha: Take 'er away, boys.

Prince's Guards: *grab Juliette and drag her off to the city dungeon*

Juliette: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Rachel: Well, that was fun!

Mercutio: All thanks to Tybalt! *chants* Tybbles! Tybbles! Tybbles!

Crowd: Tybbles! Tybbles! Tybbles! *lift Tybalt up on their shoulders and carry him off into the sunset* Tybbles! Tybbles! Tybbles!

Tybalt: No! It's just Tybalt! It's not Tybbles! Stop calling me Tybbles!

Crowd: *ignores* Tybbles! Tybbles! Tybbles!

Tybalt: Damn you, Mercutio!

Mercutio: Love you too!


	17. Chapter 17

_**Chapter 17**_

_Soon after..._

Rachel: So... what about the real wedding?

*Kelsey runs into the Cathedral*

Kelsey: I HAVE FINISHED THE DRESS! *collapses*

Sasha: Great. Soo...where is it?

Kelsey: In my carriage! Jacinta can get changed in there!

_*Jacinta, Sasha and Rachel exit*  
_  
Lord Montague: You know, this ordeal has been quite amusing!

Lady Capulet: I agree! Shall we remain for the proper ceremony?

Lady Montague: I think we should! Let's mingle!

_*Capulets and Montagues mingle*_

Rachel: Benvolio, Jacinta's ready! Everyone settle down!


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned the characters, settings, etc., but alas, they belong to Shakespeare and Gerard Presgurvic. However, Jacinta and I do own everything else.**_**

* * *

**__****_

Chapter 18

_*wedding music plays...again*_

Jacinta: *walks down the aisle in wedding dress*

Crowd: *stands*

Benvolio: *puffs out chest*

Friar Laurence: *very un-enthusiastically* We are gathered here today...blah...blah...blah...the rings!

Mercutio: *comes running down the aisle* I've got them!

Friar Laurence: *snatches rings from Mercutio* Now, shut up and sit down!

Mercutio: Hehe...he...he... *sinks into pew next to Sasha*

Friar Laurence: *clears throat loudly* Benvolio, put the ring on her ring finger...

Benvolio: *puts ring on Jacinta's index finger*

Friar Laurence: Not that finger!

Benvolio: This one?

Friar Laurence: No!

Benvolio: Is it this one?

Friar Laurence: No! *snatches ring away and puts it on Jacinta's finger himself*

Benvolio: Ooooh! That one. Why didn't you say so?

Friar Laurence: Now, Jacinta, put this ring on Benvolio's finger.

Jacinta: *puts ring on Benvolio's finger*

Friar Laurence: You may now live happily ever after! The end!

Jacinta: Wait! What about our vows?

Friar Laurence: Well, you love each other don't you?

Both: Yes.

Friar Laurence: And you want to get married right?

Both: Yes.

Friar Laurence: Great! You're done. Good-bye! *mutters* Mother was right. I should have been a used carriage salesman...

Jacinta and Benvolio: *kiss*

Crowd: Awwwwwww!

Jacinta and Benvolio: *realize there are a hundred people watching them*

Mercutio: Cake time!

_*Two large cakes are wheeled out*_

Tybalt: Jeez! There aren't THAT many of us here, why do you need so much cake?

Mercutio: You'll find out... *evil grin*

_*Benvolio and Jacinta cut one of the cakes and a piece is given to everyone*_

Tybalt: Nom nom nom...

Rachel: I did the icing designs!

Tybalt: *mouth full of cake* Weally?

Rachel: Yup!

Tybalt: *gulp* You actually did a decent job!

Rachel: I love you too! Let's get married!

Tybalt: Er...we already are married. And I just said you did a good job! That wasn't an invitation to renew vows!

_A little while later, everyone has eaten a piece of cake yet there's a small amount of the cut cake left and the other huge one is still untouched..._

Mercutio: Now, to show Tybalt what this cake was for...

Sasha: Are you sure it's a good idea?

Mercutio: *scooping up a handful of cake* Suuuure it is! *throws the handful of cake at Tybalt*

Tybalt: *hit with cake* Why, you disrespecting friend of the Montagues! I'll get you for that! *scoops up handful of cake and throws, but misses and hits Lady Capulet*

Lady Capulet: What the hell was that?

Tybalt: Forgive me, Aunty, Mercutio and I were... were...*another piece of cake is thrown into Tybalt's face, courtesy of Lady Capulet*

Montagues: *cheer*

Lord Montague: *scoops up a piece of cake as well* Hey! Mathias Capulet! Here! *throws cake*

Mathias: Haha! Well played, old man!

_*Suddenly an epic food fight breaks out in the cathedral; Montagues AND Capulets have lots of fun hitting each other with cake and members of the other house*_

Tybalt: STOP! *everyone stops* We've run out of cake!

Rachel: Servants, go bring us more cake!

A Montague: This has been a lot of fun!

A Capulet: Maybe the Montagues aren't as bad as we thought they were!

Lady Capulet: How are we going to clean the cake from ourselves when we've finished?

_*Silence*_

Mercutio: Water gun fight!

Everyone: *Laughs* Okay!

_*More cake arrives and the food fight commences*_

So ends our story. Montagues and Capulets bonded over their love of food fights, Juliette was never released, and our couples lived happily ever after.

The End.

* * *

**A/N: So, the final chapter. What do you think? Tell us in a review and ask any questions that come to mind!**

**~Sasha and Jacinta~**


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